A stone wall barred me from the mouth of Hades. Icy spikes stood as sentinels; their jagged edges littered the path to the gates, making each step treacherous. The river behind me set off a chill that seeped through to what should have been my bones. 

I didn’t have bones anymore, nor flesh. Just a slip of a soul standing in front the gates. I felt the same; still human, still human shaped, but my being looked . . . different. Fuzzy, like I was seeing myself through a pool of water.

Beyond the gates were three judges who would decide my fate. Maybe I’d go to paradise. Elysium. Bliss for the rest of eternity. And maybe I wouldn’t.

But that was only if I could get past the dog.

It was the size of a building; three sets of black eyes locked onto me as drool dribbled out of the corner of one of their mouths. It stood in front of the gate, its muscular shoulders bulging against the dark fur that covered it. The saliva spilled from their lips and splashed on the ground, drenching what should have been my feet. 

I had nothing. The clothes and possessions I’d accrued in life were gone. The body I had fought so hard for was lying in a bed somewhere far above me. My money spent on a ride in a boat. My accomplishments, my friends, my family, everything that I had earned -- gone. 

Only I remained. 

It felt like my very spirit quivered in terror so deep I wasn’t sure where it ended and I began. I didn’t want to take a single step toward those gates and the unknown judgement beyond them. Who knew where I'd end up? There was paradise, yes, but also Tartarus; an eternity of misery and pain, neverending. And even that was contingent on making it passed those powerful jaws. 

Being dead lent a certain clarity to things, and looking up at Cerberus let me know I was seeing the only creature in existence that could utterly destroy my soul. 

The only way forward was past the guardian of the gates. I could keep going, or I could wander the edge of the River Styx until I faded to nothing. 

Cerberus’ faces twisted into a snarl. There was no chain around its neck; that shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. As though Cerberus was a tame dog that could be held back with a leash. This wasn’t a public park. This was eternity. 

I wanted it. More than anything I’d ever wanted in life, I wanted to reach those gates. I’d heard stories of the Underworld, of course. Different tales that all tried to explain where I’d go when my body couldn’t hold me anymore. Maybe it should have come as a surprise that the real thing ended up being a dog guarding the gate to Hades, but for whatever reason it wasn’t. I knew what lay beyond those gates. Not my accomplishments, not my belongings, but everything in my life that had ever been important. My parents, my siblings, family and friends I hadn’t seen in decades.   

I took a step forward. Cerberus lunged, and I leaped back. Its lips curled back over long, glistening teeth. Three different mouths snarling in unison.

If I had a heart, it would have been pounding. Apparently the physical sensations of living hadn’t been forgotten, as my mouth felt dry and my palms sticky with sweat despite the lack of flesh and moisture. If Cerberus grasped my soul and ripped it to shreds that would be it. No second chances.

My foot shifted, first forward, then back. I didn’t have to go. I could stay on the bank of the River Styx and never face judgement. I wouldn’t find myself in paradise, but there was no guarantee that was where I was going anyway. Maybe I would wander an endless field forever. Maybe they’d find some black spot on my heart and send me to be tortured for eternity. What was the point of trying to pass this beast if where I ended up was worse than where I was now?

I didn’t have to be brave. I could quit. 

The dog wouldn’t follow me, I knew that. Its job was to guard the gates, and it would never leave that post. Nothing would stop me from turning my back and disappearing forever. 

Nothing but me.

I ran. Three judges sat behind the gate wearing expensive silk robes, barely visible behind the bulk of the guardian of Hades. They had authority over my fate, yet watched with identical expressions of indifference; completely unconcerned with whether or not I won my race. 

Cerberus’s middle head latched onto the spirit of my right arm; teeth the size of my hand sliced through the fibers of my soul. Pain ripped through me as it jerked me backwards and up, the ground vanishing beneath the wisps of my feet. 

The dog shook me like a rag doll. I was certain that my arm would rip off, but spirits were made of something stronger than flesh. My scream filled the silence of Hades. For a moment I thought someone would come running. Maybe the judges would call the animal off.

They didn’t. 

The head on the left lunged for my legs, the one on the right growled and barked but couldn’t reach now that my spirit was stretched tight. They fought over me like puppies with a rope.

I couldn’t wish for death; I’d already died. I tried to hang as loose as possible, and to my surprise, it seemed to help. They didn’t release me, but I no longer felt as though I was about to be torn in half. I didn’t feel the stretch as intensely. They could have eaten me, and maybe I wouldn’t have noticed. 

With a particularly enthusiastic tug, the left head pulled my arm from the middle head’s mouth, but in its exuberance I slipped from its grip, and I was flung against the stone wall, my hands gripping the edge. On instinct, limbs shaking from the sudden release of pain, I pulled myself up and looked down at the eternity beyond the gate.

A large field stretched out into the distance. Billions and billions of souls crowded together, all mingling and churning in an unending pulse of humanity and life. But it was different than I thought it would be.

The Asphodel fields were where those who had achieved nothing went to spend the rest of all time. It was supposed to be a place of drudgery and boredom, a punishment for never achieving anything of note or worth in the entirety of life. But that wasn’t what I saw. 

Men and women danced in the field, laughing as they kicked up their ankles and twirled around their partners. They didn’t dance well, but they enjoyed themselves just the same. Family members met and held each other, weeping with joy at being reunited, though I could still see some tension, old wounds that hadn’t been resolved. Stories were being told, countless stories always varying between different mouths. People taught each other crafts, and showed their rudimentary works of art made from random objects they found amongst the grass. None of them were particularly beautiful or inspired, but rather simple and created with love if not skill. 

It wasn’t . . . paradise. There were no palaces of gold, nor people of great repute. In the distance I could see the lights of Elysium, so bright I could hardly look without squinting. The Fields held no euphoria, no grand prize. It was just people. The good parts. The kind of goodness that was found at the hearth of a loved one, in a conversation with someone you respected, in the loving embrace of someone you’d lost. 

It wasn’t without flaws. I could feel the taint of petty jealousies that still existed. People occasionally acting cruel. Nothing evil occurred, but it wasn’t without pain. That felt exceptionally disappointing, after having to live a lifetime with people’s imperfections causing untold damage. 

It struck me then, in a moment of clarity that had probably come directly from the Underworld god himself, that if I stayed still, and didn’t move, I wouldn’t have to be in pain ever again. The dog would consume my very being, and I’d cease to exist. I couldn’t get to the fields by going over the wall, I had to use the gates, which meant fighting. And if I moved . . . oh, if I moved. The pain would return and there wasn’t even a guarantee that I wouldn’t fail, and disappear anyway. 

It was a choice. A question. I needed to decide if I was willing to try. 

One of the heads ripped me from the wall and threw me upward. I spun as though in slow motion, looking down as the heads each aimed to swallow me whole. 

Maybe it was too late. My chance had already come, and I missed it. 

The left head reached me first. I fell between its gaping jaws and felt its muscles work to swallow. I threw my arms and legs out, lodging myself in its throat. It gagged, heaving, and a swamp of acidic bile crept up its esophagus. 

Slick slime coated my soul. I could feel myself slipping down the sides of Cerberus’s throat and shoved my limbs against them, desperate to hold myself in place. The beast gagged, and as its throat contracted I clawed my way up and latched onto the back of its tongue. Bile touched my foot and I screamed, the acid burning through my spirit. Cerberus coughed, the force of it shoving me through its teeth and out of its mouth. The ground hurtled toward me. If I’d had bones, every single one of them would have shattered at the impact.

Everything grew still. Cerberus was silent above me, and I waited for it to grab me between its teeth and bite me in half. But it didn’t happen. Relief felt far away, and I couldn’t bring myself to reach for it. Slowly, I raised my head and looked at the giant dog.  

Three tongues lolled out of three canine mouths. It didn’t grin, in the way I’d seen adorable puppies grin back when I’d been alive, but there was a touch of light in its dark eyes that made it look . . . less frightening than before. 

I crawled toward the gate. The judges watched me without expression as I hauled myself once more to my feet in front of them. I waited for them to speak, but they were silent. The gate opened, and when I took my first step from the bank of the river into the edge of the underworld, each of them gave me a small, satisfied smile.

You weren’t clever, one whispered.  

You didn’t develop a plan, the other said. 

But sometimes not giving up is good enough. The three of them welcomed me in.